learn through play, learn through pain

A few weeks ago I did a very silly thing, that turned out to be a great adventure. I started an online profile in a not-very-safe place; a website intended for some pretty sordid uses. I went there as an experiment; to see what I would encounter, what I would learn, what I would witness. I used a fake name and a fake location, and a photo in which I was barely recognisable. I started chatting to others on this site – people who were, for the most part, extremely lonely, and misunderstood, and full of shame. I shared hidden parts of myself with these people, and even allowed a couple of them into my real life. One of them started writing poetry about me and the things I spoke about with him. I never met this man, but some of the things he wrote made me think I made myself truly known to him, through those black and white messages. There were others, too; men less kind and humane in their desires, who saw me, and recognised me, and very nearly caught me. It is scary sometimes to feel seen my monsters, and loved by them for what they find in you.

masochism works
learn through play,
learn through pain.
cornered, surrounded
sharing a space
closing in,
from torrential rain
driving towards, driving away.
unnoticed hours
choices, agreed, removed
takes effort from two.
sweating, balancing
curves drops falling about you
flooding in, filling your gaze
link up days.
out at night
chance, chase, setup
roguish quick persistent blunt
modern girl stays busy
dreams of other worlds,
those who move through them.
back to the room then,
stories straps and tables
working till she's unable
to play reluctant
passed concentration to instinct
choices removed
lead by the hair,
performance time
bathing, motion, connection, going blind
never having to force a smile
what led you to your wilder side?

(Author Unknown)


  1. It was an experiment that maybe help you so, even if it seems scary, if helped you was the right choice!
    Xxx doll



  2. That really does sound like an eye opening experience and I know what you mean, I am always aware of putting information out there that I don't want people in my life to see, opening yourself up in that kind of way can be scary... if that makes sense. I'm tired and my brain is an incoherent mess at the moment.
    This post is short but the words are so powerful that it seems like you've written more than you actually have, which is an amazing talent to have.
    As always, I love reading your posts xx

  3. I understand you..Its weird to expose yourself to strangers but on the other hand sometimes people understand you more if they dont know who you are and more specifically if they dont stuck in your beautiful face, they skip that and see directly in your soul!

  4. NICE BLOG! :)

  5. this is quite cryptic if it's not meant to be, then sorry. I know a lot of people that have connected over the internet, and found someone new in their lives. it's more and more common these days. just have to be careful, even though you want to let your guard down. x

  6. Chatting online to unknown people can be very scary but sometimes it can lead to great things. Just be careful! I enjoyed reading this post.

  7. i'm glad you are okay miss! Be careful

  8. great post!like your blog!
    could you check out mine please? would be an honour!

  9. And sometimes we get lovely poems out of experiences that at the beginning we feared to take a step to :)
    Chamomile Dealer

  10. God what a lovely little experiment, even if it could get a bit scary at times. Poems written about you seem to be worth that. I love getting to know people anonymously like you did on this site of yours. I did that once in an anonymous chatroom. I opened up to him like never before and he to me. It was only an hour long connection, but one that changed me. Excellent post.

    Tightrope to the Sun

  11. That's really cool. It's great that you were able to create some deep connections with people you met on whichever site that is. Do you know the PostSecret website and blog? I look forward to it every sunday. There is also a message board.

  12. the best part of being anonymous is you don't have to hide anything.
    Your truths, your lies, they're all yours.
    You can mess yourself, organize, break again and still not fall apart.
    So when such sweetness comes to you, take it and cherish it. :)
    Beautiful piece indeed.

  13. Great post. Stay blessed. Will you like to follow each other? Check out my latest Post
    Fashion Talks

  14. Fab post!

    Just make sure you are safe. Yes, some people online are misunderstood but then there is the small minority that do ruin it.


    Fashionicide | Manchester Fashion & Beauty Blog


  15. Wow, what a beautiful post, and I'm totally saving this poem!


  16. wow this is a beautiful poem,very deep and meaningful
    following you now on gfc,maybe you want to do the same? :)

  17. Never having to force a smile... That's a beautiful compliment if I ever saw one. And what did lead you to the other side? That's a good question. I'm liking this mystery poet. A lot.

  18. Nice blog checkout my latest post at
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  19. Love the Pictures it's soo pretty! <3


    Att. Alexa B.

  20. It's as though this post was written using my experiences as material!! Loving the realness of your blog!


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